At times I was very lazy to read my bible especially in the morning. Yes I was reading them but I was merely 'reading' it without meditating on the Word. Reading bible often turns out to be a routine job for me.
I feel such lost sometimes not seeking Him, not telling Him what was really going on and not praying for His Kingdom, but own needs first. I felt guilty for not praying for the cells or our young people to grow at times.
I feel such confusion about not able to relate His will with my career many times. I feel 'disconnected' from His grace and power over my running of companies, possibly a cause of my own 'self-control' spirit dangling around my soul.
I failed to pray purposefully many often. Sometimes prayer was just merely 'sending a report' to God. I remember sometimes I was praying because I have to, and hoping the action of praying and the word of my mount will motive and encourage others. I learned from my pastors the true thing, that one of the most difficult task as a Christ-follower is to pray purposefully, persistently and with discipline.
I feel I fail to please God many times, because I allow many ungodly thoughts travel in and out my mind and never put a harsh stop to it (them). I felt such agony and tortured sometimes unable to please Him by sanctifying myself from sins and world. All in all, I'm very sure that I'm a sloth and not worth of Jesus dying for me.
However, I choose not to continue to become one, for I'm willing to grow out of my transgression. I will choose to continue to become a better Christ-follower even thought I am not a good one yet. and I will not give up my hope that I can become one because He who paid the price for has already made it possible for me.
I am definitely not yet a man that I was designed to become, but I will want to try to fill myself up according to my designers' specifications and mold. Perhaps more tweaking needed.
life goes on and "growth" is an on-going process ...
Dear friend, have you being growing into your designer's spec lately ?